Report: This time of year has an airless, still quality. We are approaching the end of the season, but aren't quite there yet. It's a bit like the bit at the end of the summer term at school where all of the pupils who have public exams have disappeared off on study leave, and those left remaining are marking time until they can bring in board games. So, one tough game left for us against Staines and then it is in to the end of season party, during which, unless carefully monitored Clarkey will blot his already heavily blotted copybook. We have considered utilising some kind of restraint, perhaps tethering him to fixed point so that it is possible to establish a safe perimeter. As the night wears on we could replace the fixed tether with more elastic bungee cords to induce an element of danger.

Wednesday night saw VdH's last training session as we understand he is retiring from the elite end of the club (this, added to the OAP discount, will make his subs substantially cheaper next year). There are those of you who might say that it is about time too, but he has been playing particularly well for a 50 year old. VdH retiring will probably give our forwards the comfort they need to buy a new stick for next season safe in the knowledge that it is unlikely to be substantially dented by Vonny in preseason training. However, the squad will be a poorer place without him as we will all miss his leadership and exemplar approach to both training and playing (and his knee pads which make him look like his knees need ironing). In two different periods VdH has given sterling service to the elite end of Spencer, and in doing so has made opposition forwards in a number of different leagues regret being quick, skilful or both. We wish him (and the new opposition) the very best of luck.

So, with the end of season in sight, a short report in preparation for next weeks opportunity to review and take lessons from a whole season. This week we played Ashford. One of the more exciting things that I have realised is that Ashford's almost certain relegation (never say never, but saving them now is going to take an act of god or an entirely capricious act of rule changing by the league) is that there will be two
Ashfords (Middlesex and Kent) in the league below. This means that once before Christmas and once before Easter they get to play off to see who gets the right to call themselves Ashford until they next meet. Presumably if one of the Ashfords wins both times then that Ashford gets to keep the name, and the loosing Ashford has to change theirs. It would certainly add a bit of spice to the games. I find the idea that there should be more on a game of hockey than just mere points relatively appealing. Possibly if you beat a side twice in a season you should get to keep their sticks or WAGs (you may prefer the sticks, its up to you). Bad Foges would probably ask for grazing rights over their land or something.

As pointed out above Ashford haven't had the best of seasons, and if you were to compare our two league positions you would have been forgiven for assuming that a Spencer victory would have been the favourite result. However, over the years Spencer have had considerable form for stuffing this kind of thing up and then spending the evening feeling a bit daft about themselves. This, added to the fact that before Christmas we only just about escaped with three points from a game which would probably be successfully prosecuted under the Trade Descriptions Act if
it attempted to pass itself off as hockey, was the cause of some nervousness prior to the game. The other thing that I recall about the pre-xmas game is the devastating critique levelled against Spencer by one of the Ashford players just after we went 3-2 up, "Common boys" he said "this lot are ****". At the time I remember thinking that I wasn't sure what was worse: (1) his dreadfully limited chat or (2) the fact
that we were being abused by someone with dreadfully limited chat who,
perhaps on that occasion, had a point.

Anyway, the first five minutes of the game were relatively tense. Then we scored. We then scored a lot more, until we reached half time when we had a break. It was all a little bit self congratulatory until Me Chambers reminded us that we had let a four goal half time lead against Chi, when we all became a little more serious and resolute. I can't recall the details of any of the goals although messes Chambers, Goat, Davies and Ripley all notched some of them repeatedly. I seem to recall Ali Davies' goal being the best.

In keeping with the time of year, the second half had a decidedly end of term feeling about it. A decidedly shell shocked Ashford had dropped deep in to their own half making it difficult for Spencer to repeat the first half pyrotechnics, although it took a two or three desperate goal line clearances from Ashford's outfield players to keep the second half scoreless. Mill's, who at the best of times is like a bored hyperactive teenager was going nuts with the tediousness of it all and, having clearly decided that he was going to get involved in the game somehow, had to be put firmly in his place by Rippers. The highlight of the second half was Goat leaping like a balletic salmon to pick an aerial (just about) below his shoulder. This elicited a louder cheer than any
of the goals from the watching ladies 4th XI. The ladies 4s are the most polite team in the entire club, they apologise to umpires for being a bother when they are awarded a hit (Verity in particular). The game ended as a contest as Spencer scored 6th unanswered goal and lacked any real edge form that point on, although both teams continued to play a bit. Wisey made some extremely unselfish leading runs, which generally created space and opportunity for the other members of the forward line (I promised at some time in the haze of Saturday evening that I would be nice to him this week).

Alarmingly, Goat is now top of our own internal goal scoring log. Juddy picked an exceptionally bad week to be away. Matthew Osborne has little or no chance of catching either of them. Expect little or no passing in the D this week.